In This Issue: Choosing What We Want
We like to think that we are in control of our lives. In the United States and other democratic countries, we like to believe that we truly choose what we want and are not significantly swayed by the media or by public opinion. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist, Holocaust survivor, and author of
Man's Search for Meaning, endured many hardships at the Auschwitz concentration camp during World War II. One thing that helped him survive, however, was the realization that our fundamental dignity as human beings lies in our ability to choose how we respond to any situation. Not everyone can claim to have Viktor Frankl's determination, courage, awareness, or consciousness. Yet, here's an important insight that we can glean from his experience: increasing our awareness also increases our ability to choose and to act more consciously, especially during times of great uncertainty and turmoil.
In last month's edition of SOAR!, we defined a personal need as what we must have in our life to be at our very best. Hence, when we satisfy our needs for space, or to be recognized, or to have order, or to be in control, then we can be more available to our co-workers and customers. Now, here's an interesting insight about needs that we didn't discuss in last month's issue: needs tend to disguise themselves as wants in order to get themselves met. We may think we want something, but it's more likely a need that has disguised itself as a want. So, when we're driving down the highway and start to feel hungry, we can probably push off the need for nourishment for a while. Eventually, however, the need for food will clamor to be satisfied and will sway us to believe that we "want" a sandwich. Look back on your life and notice this sway taking place for other needs, such as the need to be informed, to have order, or to achieve. Obsessions and compulsions are unhealthy examples of this dynamic when we tend to lose most - if not all - of our ability to choose. Thus, most personal needs are non-negotiable and we risk causing great harm to ourselves - physically and emotionally - when we fail to satisfy them. We can push them off for a while, but they will either need to be eventually satisfied or, in certain cases, transcended.
Notice how greater awareness about our personal needs increases our ability to choose. There are other practical applications to this notion of needs and wants, especially in decision-making. Here, we credit Thomas Leonard, one of the fathers of the coaching profession, for this decision-making model, which he described as: "Integrity first, Needs second, and Wants third" or the I-N-W model. Suppose you want a shiny new car (or a promotion, or to have your teenage daughter listen to you). The first step is to ask yourself: am I in integrity to have this? For example, can I afford this car, will getting it break any laws, or will it have a harmful effect on the environment? If you pass the integrity test, then ask if there's a need under the surface that is disguising itself as a want. For example, am I buying this car to satisfy a need to be appreciated or be cared for? If so, then perhaps there's a healthier and less-expensive way to satisfy the need. Lastly, if you pass the needs test, then, if you want it, it's generally reasonable that you have it.
The I-N-W model opens a deeper, more existential question. If our needs have a powerful sway over what we want, then what is it that we
truly want? We would suggest that true wants tend to be aligned with what we most value. Painters want to paint creatively, explorers yearn for adventure, monks want to be at peace, teachers love to teach, and CEOs thrive when they lead. We enter a state of resonance when our wants and actions are aligned with deeply-held values. With this in mind, we invite you approach your day more consciously by being more aware of what you truly want in your professional and personal life. Remember: awareness gives us a greater ability to choose. Greater choices, in turn enable us to produce more powerful results in our life.
Would greater choice and clarity about your wants help you become a more effective leader and decision-maker? If so, please contact us at any time. We would love to hear from you.
Warm Regards,
