SOAR! Newsletter: March 2009

In last month's issue, we introduced the notion of productive and unproductive conflict. We pointed out how productive conflict often leads to great personal growth and team breakthroughs, especially when surrounded by a context of respect and possibility-thinking. We can make a similar distinction for stress. Productive stress extends us beyond perceived limitations and leads to healthy growth. The effects of unproductive stress, however, are what we most hear about in conversations: long hours at the office, too many deadlines, excessive multitasking, and having far more commitments than we can handle. Over time, unproductive stress takes a heavy toll on our body, our relationships, and our personal effectiveness.

As a culture, how did we do this to ourselves? One reason stands out clearly for us: our healthy drive to learn, grow, create, and innovate has been marred by our increasing disconnectedness to our families, to our faiths, and to ourselves. As a society, we have been overemphasizing the externals (e.g. making money, acquiring things) at the expense of the internals (e.g. our health and well-being, our relationships with others, our connection to what we deeply value). It is said that the taller the building, the deeper its foundation. Some might say that we have focused too much on outward growth and have given insufficient attention to the internal connections that sustain this growth.

The long-term solution likely lies in a shift of cultural consciousness. However, it can begin with each one of us. In his best-selling book The Tipping Point, author Malcolm Gladwell suggests that social epidemics can be reversed, or tipped, "by tinkering with the smallest details of the immediate environment." He cites the example of reducing crime in New York City by focusing on relatively small details, such as replacing broken windows in neighborhoods and cleaning graffiti off subway cars. This approach follows from studies showing that "if a window is broken and left unrepaired, people walking by will conclude that no one cares and no one is in charge." We can apply this to the rampant unproductive stress in our society by realizing the heavy cost we're paying individually and collectively for our present way of living, and thereby choosing to make a difference. We can care enough and we can take charge.

Here are some suggested action steps to begin reducing unproductive stress in your life:

1. Carefully manage the promises that you make to others. Stress and overwhelm primarily result from over-commitment: making far too many promises than we can handle. Therefore, never make a promise that you don't intend to deliver on. Second, be willing to say "no" to some requests so that, when you do say "yes," it actually means something. If we say "yes" to everything, then our "yeses" become meaningless. Third, have clear conditions of satisfaction for every promise you make: know what to deliver, in what format, by when, and to whom. Lastly, know that a promise is not a guarantee. We live in the real world and things happen outside of our control that can prevent our delivery on a promise. Therefore, be willing to inform when necessary and judiciously renegotiate your promises.
2. If you're overwhelmed and overextended right now, please explore the possibility of renegotiating some promises to give you space, clarity, and focus. This will also replenish some lost energy.
3. Invest time in yourself and in building connections with loved ones. Deepen your faith, invite co-workers to form a volleyball league, volunteer to read to kindergarteners, or grow orchids. There is no room for stress or fear while presencing great beauty, when feeling grateful towards members of our work team, or when a young child hangs on to every word we say.
4. Develop practices that build your energy, health, and well-being. For example: meditation/prayer, yoga, eating healthy foods, drinking purified water, exercise, and getting regular medical checkups.

Would you like to channel your unproductive stress into more productive directions? Ascendi can show you how to achieve stress mastery in your workplace. Please contact us any time. We would love to hear from you.