In This Issue: Dealing with Conflict
Conflict is a part of the human condition, just like judgments. A teacher once said: "
To be human is to judge. For example, I judge you to be intelligent. The secret, however, is to be aware that we are judging." We apply the same reasoning to conflict. We define conflict as opposing forces that, when surrounded by self-interest and lack of clarity, often lead to unproductive results. Unproductive conflict is everywhere: in our families, in our workplace, and even on the world stage. In contrast, productive conflict often leads to great personal growth and team breakthroughs. For example, in his book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, author Patrick Lencioni describes how productive conflict is an essential quality of high-functioning teams. Similarly, at an internal and more individual level, who can forget the Star Wars scene where Darth Vader overcomes his own internal conflict, saves his son, and transforms his life for the better? In the following paragraphs, we will focus on understanding the nature of unproductive conflict and how it can be re-channeled to more productive outcomes.
In his book Conscious Business, author Fred Kofman identifies three conditions that must be present concurrently for conflict to exist:
- Disagreement - an unresolved difference of opinion
- Scarcity - one or more resources in short supply
- Disputed Property Rights - lack of authority to make a decision or lack of an agreed-upon process to resolve differences
Two managers, one from Marketing and one from Customer Service, battled each other over a hiring decision. They each wanted to hire a candidate for their departments, but there was only enough budget for one hire. In this example, there's a clear disagreement, there's a scarcity of payroll funds, and neither manager has the authority to overrule the other, nor an agreed-upon process to resolve their differences. Notice that, if one of the three conditions is absent, then conflict cannot exist.
What can we do when we find ourselves knee-deep in unproductive conflict to re-channel our energies toward more productive outcomes? The following guidelines help to dissolve the Scarcity and Disputed Property Rights conditions, above:
- Identify the common ground - those areas where all parties find agreement.
- Create a context of respect, openness and learning. This is akin to shifting the focus from scarcity-thinking to opportunity or possibility-thinking.
- Agree on the protocol that will be used for discussions. Agree on the process that will be followed if resolution cannot be achieved (e.g. jointly take this to our common boss, flipping a coin, etc.).
- Have each party listen without interruption while the other person states their perspective. The listening party summarizes what they heard and checks for understanding. Each party is fully heard and understood by the other.
- Think win-win, rather than win-lose: how can we all achieve what we want? Allow for new and unimaginable ideas to enter the solution space.
- If the discussion hits a snag, always come back to the common ground - the areas of shared agreement.
We believe that re-channeled conflicts make us stronger, both individually and collectively. When the United States resolved its inner conflict regarding slavery during the Civil War, it emerged as a stronger and more united nation. As an exercise, we invite you select one conflict that you're experiencing in your life or work, and identify the three conditions that must be present for it to exist. Now, dissolve one of those conditions!
May we suggest some approaches for redirecting unproductive conflict into more satisfying and profitable directions? Please contact us at any time. We would love to hear from you.
Warm Regards,
